'Twas three days before Christmas and while others had fun
the e/d was stressed out, for the house wasn't done

No gas for the heating, the water's not on
the doors all need fixin, and there's trash to be gone

The closets need shelving, the floors need a cleaning
no driveway to park on, and the windows need screening

What troubled the e/d was a promise to keep
for on Christmas a family was to be here to sleep

So the e/d prayed "Lord help me keep to my claim"
then he picked up his cell phone and he called them by name

Gas company on Tuesday be there at 10 bells
plumber Louie-tomorrow, or I'll make your life hell

Mason Jeffrey come hence forth and pour the concrete
and get the water company to tie in at the street

He spoke to Master Connelly, he wouldn't take no
while the phone bill grew larger he called more workers to show

On Christenson, on Petzold, on Accosta (he's new)
on Kerner, on Groome, please no one have the flu

If we get started early, and get up with the sun
by the day before Christmas all the work should be done

So two days before Christmas he arrived at the site
and in answer to his prayer things began to go right

The masons were digging their concrete to pour
Don, Jerry and David were fixing the doors

Carl was busy cleaning windows , the screens to install
and all gasps in amazement when the plumber walked down the hall

The gas company came and the furnace went on
and heat filled the house and the chill was all gone

Each gave his best effort, the work went like a breeze
but the tough part was coming, the inspectors to please

The inspector for electric came and turned on the lights
checked the panel and outlets and said everything's right

Then the plumbing inspector tried the facets and shower
we were amazed that they all worked, he was gone in a hour

The fire inspector showed up, the alarms he did test
gave us the approval and wished us the best

"Only one more to go" the e/d said with relief
"then I can pick up the C/O and been done with this grief"

But the building inspector was absent that day
he called with apology, some sort of delay

"I'll be there tomorrow" he said on the phone
"first thing in the morning, don't leave me alone"

So early the next morning the e/d did return
to seek the approvals he longed for and yearned

The inspector showed up, walked around for a while
and then wrote out a list without breaking a smile

"There's screens in your flood vents, the crawl space's not right
no wires on the fiberglass, please insulate the pipes"

"The porches need railings, the dryer vent's bent"
the list just kept growing the longer he went

The e/d looked longing and with a begging voice low
said "please sir, it Christmas, how bout a temporary C/O?"

The inspector looked doubtful, then said "you'll fix it all fine"?
and the e/d swore a solemn oath, so he signed on the line

"It's finished" he cried in somewhat of a yelp
then he silently paused and thanked the Lord for his help

Then the cell phone reached Toyna and he gave her the news
he said "bring on the boxes, the house is now yours to use"

Then he called City Hall, with his joy not diminished
when Saint Joyce there said stop by, your paperwork's finished

With the C/O in hand he returned to the house
were not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse

So he hung the C/O on the refrigerator door
wrote down 'Merry Christmas' and then left as before

Then he loaded his truck, like the Grinch on Mount Crumpet
with a half ton of trash, then he set off to dump it

After dumping the trash he got on with his life
and went home to spend Christmas with his daughter and wife

So my story is finished, a true tale of this house
verification can be furnished, just go ask my spouse.

Finally let me make one thing so perfectly clear
there is no way in hell I'm gonna do this next year

And for those cynics that clamor "what's the point of this poem?"
you see, 'Twas the night before Christmas, and a family was home.